i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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