I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Your penis caused this!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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