Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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