where am i from again
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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