i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
