I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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