Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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