Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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