Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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