He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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