i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
