the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fuck me I smell like cheese
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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