Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
