I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
