hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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