Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
