maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
