VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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