some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
