There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
