Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
