You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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