Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well most of my day revolves around power hour
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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