I wish I could punch you in the face.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
