how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
