The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My vagina is very pro this idea
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