good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
