last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
