I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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