mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
