Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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