Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is my gift to your gina
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
