The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
