I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
