"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
