I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
