1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
