Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
