Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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