I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
