Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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