I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
