Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
