I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
