Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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