i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
