Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
