i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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