Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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