Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
