Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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