i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
